tag:www.athomemechanic.com,2007://1 2006-08-02T12:43:06Z Movable Type 3.31 tag:www.athomemechanic.com,2006://1.144 2006-05-21T00:23:38Z 2006-08-02T12:43:06Z

We are often urged to “think outside the box� which sounds good, but does anyone know what that really means? Simple solutions to simple problems are often elusive. Scientists tell us that great musicians can actually visualize music as having...

We are often urged to “think outside the box� which sounds good, but does anyone know what that really means? Simple solutions to simple problems are often elusive. Scientists tell us that great musicians can actually visualize music as having color or shape. I am willing to bet that artists and designers have a way of visualizing spatial relationships that the rest of us mere mortals cannot comprehend. While you and I may see a pile of stone, others can see a building, a bridge or a wall. I like to think that I have the ability to see a physical problem with an automobile and be able to visualize a solution. If a car needs a part that is no longer supplied by the original equipment manufacturer, I can usually find a way to adapt a part from some other car or to fashion something out of scrap metal or plastic to fill the need. I often wander through the local junkyard imagining how the trashed treasures contained within can be used to make some other car better. Will those seats fit in my car? Is that engine more powerful that the one in my daily driver? Will that body part make my car more aerodynamic? But I am certainly far from infallible and although it does not happen often, from time to time I get stumped on how to overcome a problem when a car part has morphed from readily available to being made of solid “unobtainium.� Unobtainium is the materiel that an once obtainable part has become made out of once they cease to be made, or sold. I recently hit this car restoration wall when I needed a set of wheel center caps for my 1980’s-vintage Momo wheels on my 1987 Honda CRX. Every wheel on every car has a hole about 2 inches across at dead center. This hole is necessary so that tire-mounting equipment can get a grip on the wheels and nudge the rubber tire over the metal wheel. On stamped steel wheels that many cars come with from the factory, a hubcap covers the entire wheel and so we only see the shiny cap which covers the lug nuts and the center hole. On styled wheels that are so popular these days, the lug nuts are often part of the design and so a small center cap is used to fill that center hole. Look closely at the next car you see with styled wheels; the car company logo is usually embossed onto the small center cap. If you lose this small cap, it usually can be ordered from the parts counter of your local dealer. Finding a replacement center cap for an aftermarket set of wheels can be tricky. Wheel manufacturers feel no compulsion to stock replacement caps and as I have discovered, there are no generic wheel center caps available because there is no standard size for the wheel center hole. Usually eBay would be the best source for obscure, out of production bits and pieces but even this choice is no good to me, they just do not exist for my wheels. The set of Momo wheels I have on my car were a relatively rare design that was intended for a racing series and not generally available to the public. I bought them used from a former racer without any center caps so I have no reference for what they should look like. Normally not having a set of center caps would not bother me; I have been happily using the wheels for about three years now. My motto is From Follows Function; it is better to go fast than to look fast. But I must admit a creeping sense of pride welling within my consciousness about my car’s looks and so I have embarked to find a set of center caps for the wheels. Momo no longer supports these wheels, generics do not exist and eBay had been a disappointment. So I had reached a dead end in my quest. No shop owner could suggest a solution and the Internet forums were equally stumped. I causally mentioned my dilemma to a fellow car enthusiast at a local car meet and he offered me an elegant solution to my problem. He suggested sawing off the bottom of an aluminum beverage can and gluing it to the center hole. From a distance, the casual observer would never notice the ruse and if the job is done with care, it is possible to fool a more detailed inspection. It would never pass muster with the Judges at the Pebble Beach Concurs d’ Elegance, or the crowd at Hot Import Nights, but I do not plan on entering this car in any kind of seriously judged auto beauty pageant. So I have a set of soda can center caps and unless I had not told you about it, you would have never noticed. tag:www.athomemechanic.com,2006://1.143 2006-05-15T01:45:21Z 2006-08-02T12:43:06Z

Now that I have all the major systems working (or removed) on my 1987 Honda CRX Si hobby car, it is time to start dealing with the sniggling little details that keep your car from being "perfect." Being the compulsive...

Now that I have all the major systems working (or removed) on my 1987 Honda CRX Si hobby car, it is time to start dealing with the sniggling little details that keep your car from being "perfect." Being the compulsive type, I expect that I will never get the car perfect but I am willing to try. Number One on my list is clear up that oil pan gasket drip that is driving me crazy. I am not losing a lot of oil, but any spot on the driveway is enough to make me crazier than I already am. Plus the oil manages to hit the hot exhaust pipe, which gives the car the faith odor of something burning. Number Two is to recenter my Momo steering wheel. I had to do some fabrication to get a '95 steering wheel from a Japanese-market Integra Type R made by Momo to attach to the adapter hub. The wheel is just a couple of degrees off, which in the long run is not a big deal... but it drives me NUTS! I would really like to find a set of center caps to complete the look of my second- hand wheels. On one hand the missing center caps sort of compliment the "phone dial" style of my wheels so I do not have to put them on. But it would be nice. I suppose I should put new fenders and a carpet kit on my car. I have the usual cracks in the fenders and the floor mats hide the worn holes in the rug. But the car is about function, not form so I can suppress the urge to fix these problems. There is a hidden "problem" in the suspension that I need to correct if I want to retain what is left of my sanity. I am the only one in the world who knows what the problems is, it does not affect the car or the way it drives and I will never need to use the function that is missing. But knowing that the problem exists is making me nervous and anxious. A less compulsive guy would be happy to have a 20 year old Honda that runs so well. As the women in my life will tell you, I am hardly compulsive about my personal appearance (although I believe that I can be cleaned up for appropriate occasions) But I am compulsive about my hobby car. I take pride in it... and yes I will admit that appearance does count. So what are the little things that you need to do to your car? tag:www.athomemechanic.com,2006://1.142 2006-05-04T16:45:49Z 2006-08-02T12:43:06Z

Some things in life are natural, expected and in some cases inevitable. Spring follows winter. The sun rises in the East and sets in the West. Salmon return to their home streams to spawn. And a new driver will crumple...

Some things in life are natural, expected and in some cases inevitable. Spring follows winter. The sun rises in the East and sets in the West. Salmon return to their home streams to spawn. And a new driver will crumple a fender within weeks of receiving his or her driver’s license. While it can be unsettling for a new driver to make his or her “mark� on the driving community, a small amount of sheet metal damage should be viewed as an opportunity to learn a valuable lesson about paying attention to detail and not being overly confident behind the wheel. It only took me less than a week after receiving my driver’s license in the summer of my 16th year to stuff the right front corner on my Mother’s 1971 Pinto Runabout into the wheel well of a parked truck while making a U-turn in a strip mall parking lot. The heavy gauge sheet metal of the truck barely noticed the intrusion of the tiny Ford. The truck driver wiped away the smudge in the paint with the moistened tip of his finger and told me to be more careful. The fiberglass headlight surround and the first three inches of tinny fender on Mom’s Pinto were crushed like my hopes of ever dating the Homecoming Queen. I do not remember Mom’s reaction to the way I had re-sculpted the compound curves of her car’s front fender, I suspect that she was less than pleased about what I had done to her car. I do remember that Dad was philosophical about it and glad that the damage was not far worse. For my sins I had to buy a new headlight surround and Dad supervised my work with a jar of Bondo to put the fender back into a semblance of order. While the body and fender work I did on the Pinto was something less than perfect, the experience made me a much more careful driver; in the following 35 years I have barely done more than brush a bumper. I now have a 16-year old son of my own who is a new driver. Rather than have him experience his first accident in a car that I care about I bought him a nearly pristine, though very used, 1990 Honda Prelude. Clean, straight and mechanically sound I figured the Prelude would offer a young man a modicum of style and performance in a reasonably economical and reliable package. Normally I would have insisted that my son use his own hard earned money to acquire a car; I see this as a character building opportunity. But our family’s circumstances are not normal and it is to my advantage to have my son fill in as second driver for the household. I console myself by knowing that I have bought him a car that will serve him well through the remainder of his education through graduate school. When my son first started to drive I would hold my breath and wait for the cell phone call telling me to come help sweep up the debris from his first accident. A month passed and I never got that call. A second and third month passed with no incidents. By the fourth month I began to relax. But it was while I was lulled into a false sense of security that I finally got the call. Parking is tight at his high school and he must jockey for a spot on the street. While backing into a spot he lost track of a telephone pole and clipped the corner of his car. The actual damage is minor; it could even be ignored, as the damage does not affect the car’s safety or performance. But my son is proud of his car and the thought of a self-imposed blemish marring the otherwise virgin flanks of his car is more than he could bear. If we took the car to a body shop the repair shop, I expect that the repair bill would top $500 easily. My son does not have that kind of scratch rattling around in his pockets and I may be an indulgent Dad but even I have my limits. So I have sourced a piece of replacement sheet metal and a generous supply of rattle can spray paint. I will provide the supervision but the boy will supply the labor. My son will get some hands-on auto repair experience and maybe a life lesson about paying attention. I get the satisfaction of seeing my son learning the consequences of his actions. And my Dad gets see to how life repeats itself. tag:www.athomemechanic.com,2006://1.141 2006-04-19T04:38:59Z 2006-08-02T12:43:06Z

My beloved fiancée and I am are searching for a new home, a house that will not be “hers� nor “his� but rather “ours.� Buying a new home in Southern California is not like shopping for any other commodity, you...

My beloved fiancée and I am are searching for a new home, a house that will not be “hers� nor “his� but rather “ours.� Buying a new home in Southern California is not like shopping for any other commodity, you do not just order up the perfect domicile. Rather you scrape together every penny you own and hope to find a lean-to that will not be over priced beyond your economic circumstances. Part of the process is to slowly drive through the streets of your prospective new neighborhood to “get the lay of the land� as well as hoping to find a diamond in the rough that you can mortgage your soul to own. Sundays may be the Lord’s Day and a day of rest, but there is no rest for those seeking to buy a new home. Sunday is the day of the Open House, a ritual where homeowners looking to sell their house allow perfect strangers traipse through their home. Prospective purchasers complete the rite by tramping through countless homes they can never hope to afford. On a recent Sunday my lovely intended, my daughter and I set out to cruise a particular neighborhood that is honestly out of our economic league, but dreams die hard and it does not hurt to look. We did not find a house, but we did spot a car. Sitting forlornly at the curb in an upscale neighborhood overlooking the Pacific Ocean was a car that I had not seen on the street for nearly 25 years. An obscure car that was never very popular here but one that made an impression on me in my mis-spent youth. It was a 1970 Opel GT in reasonably good condition, covered in a patina of dust and rusty brake rotors which tells me that it has been sitting in one spot for some time. Think back 35 years to the Chevrolet Corvette of the late 1960’s and early 1970’s. Swoopy and low slung, it had a low pointed shovelnose, a rounded cockpit and terminated in a cute bobbed tail. Got the image? Now imagine that car built on a three quarter scale with a four-cylinder engine that measured less than half the capacity of the Corvette’s. The Opel GT was the answer to the question nobody was asking, “What would a European-built Corvette look like?� Well apparently the big thinkers at GM corporate headquarters asked that question and they commanded their German subsidiary, Opel, to whip up a petite-sized clone of the American Resin Rocket. In Europe, with steep gas prices, a fuel sipping “sports� car that reminded the neighbors of an exotic American Muscle car made some sort of sense and they sold reasonably well across the pond. Over here in the land of 30 cents per gallon gas, nobody was much interested in a wacky little wannabe car. Back when acne was my most pressing medical concern, the Opel GT struck a nerve in me. I was never much of a fan of ground pounding muscle cars, my tastes then (as now) run to nimble little cars that can carve corners, stop on a dime and squirrel up a twisting mountain pass. While the Opel GT may not have been the ideal candidate for that sort of activity, its cute shape and size suggested that it had the capacity to show its heals to American Iron on the snaking canyons roads that my group of teenaged delinquents used to emulate our Formula One heroes. Back to the present: Like Mia Farrow and orphan children, I feel compelled to give unwanted cars a loving home. I can feel the neglected Opel’s pain, left to rot in the elements on the mean streets of a community of ocean-view mansions. The Opel cries out to me. "Save me! Love me!� But it also told me in a voice that only I can hear. “I will return your devotion by being hard to fix, difficult to find parts for, never run as well as you would hope and drain your bank account. I will cause you to neglect the “hobby� car that currently lives in your garage.� Finally it told me, “I am not really the car you need or want right now. But I am one of the many unrequited loves of your impressionable youth and your middle-aged angst may possibly be soothed by owning a car that reminds you of your high school glory days." That is a lot of talking from an inanimate object. Note to self: Maybe it is time to seek professional help. Of course the professional help I would look for is a fabricator to design an intake manifold for a set of Weber Carbs to hang on the side of the Opel’s cute little SOHC head. {Must snap out of this.} No, I will be strong. I must resist the temptation to leave a note for the owner of the Opel asking if he would consider selling it to me. I must concentrate on saving my money to pay for college tuition, home purchase and wedding party/honeymoon. Even though my equally car-mad fiancée tells me that it would be, ’OK to buy it cheap and store it until you are ready to work on it’ I have to be the fiscally responsible one. Money does not grow on trees and my supply of the green stuff is finite. Besides, what would I do with the Opel? I already have a canyon carving, auto-crossing, little two-seater that perfectly suits my needs for an impractical sports car. But the Opel would be the perfect platform for a Quarter Mile Hero. I could drop a Chevy small block V8 into the front, tub the back end, lace it all together with a roll cage and go searching for 10 second time slips. Not that I have ever had a desire to go drag racing… but you do not get an opportunity like this every day. tag:www.athomemechanic.com,2006://1.140 2006-03-04T03:21:58Z 2006-08-02T12:43:06Z

I had dinner last night in a fancy Hollywood restaurant. The kind of place with a platoon of recent immigrants parking cars out front and no sign to announce that this is restaurant or any other kind of business. A...

I had dinner last night in a fancy Hollywood restaurant. The kind of place with a platoon of recent immigrants parking cars out front and no sign to announce that this is restaurant or any other kind of business. A consciously casual patio ambiance belies the scary menu prices this French-cum-Moroccan joint charges. The wait staff sport faux French accents and crisply pressed slacks while the patrons schmooze in the patois of the Movie Biz in their designer denim. The diners are slim and beautiful; the handsome young Best Supporting Actor nominee sitting at the table next to ours blended nearly unnoticed amongst the tables of Actors, Script Doctors and Producers. At my table I was the only "civilian" not "in the business." My fiancee, the Movie Editor wanted to get together with her friend the Writer/Director who was celebrating his recent Vegas marriage to the Production Designer and so we made two couples to share a table for four. We talked about past productions and future projects, movies we had seen and movies we will see soon. The philosophical content of the evening covered the difference between hiring a stranger for sex or casting an actor to engage in real sex for the camera. The table's majority felt that an Actor in a role is vastly different from a Prostitute in a business transaction. But we all agreed that there is probably no difference between a Pimp and an Agent. And we talked about cars. Cars we own and cars we will purchase or lease in the coming year. My fiancee the Movie Editor has always driven performance cars, possibly stunting her children's growth by making them ride in the vestigial back seat of her 924 Turbo during their toddler hood. The lease on her G35 Coupe is due to expire at the end of the year and she is reluctantly considering making a BMW M3 her next lease. Reluctantly because she really would rather drive a rear-engine Porsche but its rear seat is too small by even her standards. The Writer/Director's Maserati and the Production Designer's Audi TT are both two-seat roadsters. The Writer/Director's son from a previous marriage makes three, a potential baby adoption will make four and so they must exchange one of their cars for a more practical four-seater. The Writer/Director has no intentions of loosening his grip on the paddle shifters of the Maserati. The Production Designer has an eye for design and she insists that her primary transportation must not offend her aesthetic sensibilities. She wants something stylish... although she was impressed by the Land Rovers she drove on African safari and could see herself crushing the Los Angeles landscape in a Brit bog-hopper. I ventured a suggestion that maybe the newly weds might want to consider something less than an Armored Personnel Carrier for the mean streets of Los Angeles. Maybe a Mini would be stylish enough while offering four seats. "Ooooo," the Production Designer purred happily, "those cars are cute." "Nah," said the Writer/Director, "I've done the Mini thing in a script I sold. It would look bad to revisit old territory." "How about a Lexus IS250 or an Acura TSX? They have four doors, 200 horsepower and nice features," I said. "If you are lucky enough to adopt a baby you will really value the back seat access of a set of rear doors." "Four doors? Forget it," said the Production Designer. "I need something sporty." I sighed, asked the waiter to bring the desert menu and changed the topic to wondering why the handsome young Academy Award nominee at the next table did not have seem to have a date. tag:www.athomemechanic.com,2006://1.139 2006-02-14T14:39:00Z 2006-08-02T12:43:06Z

Regular readers of this space (both of you) know that I am planning on building a car from scratch. Not content to merely fixing up an old car or modifying a newer car to have more performance, I want to...

Regular readers of this space (both of you) know that I am planning on building a car from scratch. Not content to merely fixing up an old car or modifying a newer car to have more performance, I want to stretch myself as a mechanic and fabricator by building a car from raw parts. In my mind's eye, the car I would build would be purely fun; an open topped roadster that would deliver 100 smiles per gallon, low loud and quick, it would be perfect for carving up a canyon road or romping around a race track. Building a car can be as simple as assembling a car from a kit that gets delivered as a large box of parts dropped at my front door. Or it can be as complicated as buying steel sheets and tubing to weld into a form of my own design. As this is will be my first complete car construction from the ground up I have been thinking that buying a kit car would be the best way to ease into the world of automobile construction. Car kits come in a variety of forms, it is possible to buy a kit that will replicate an exotic high performance racing prototype or as ruggedly simple as a dune buggy. As I have written before, the two leading contenders are the Lotus Seven style of low slung roadster from the 1950's or the classic Shelby Cobra of the 1960's. The Lotus is smaller and less powerful, the Cobra is larger and probably more powerful than any reasonable person would ever need. I have thought about putting a six-cylinder engine rather than the usual V8 into a Cobra for a lighter and more maneuverable car. And I have considered replacing the usual four cylinder engine found in most Lotus with a larger, more powerful power plant, probably a V6 engine of some sort. But the Cobra is truly meant to have that monster V8 and the Lotus would be an ill handling mess with a heavier engine in its wimpy little frame. If only there was a kit that was a scaled down Cobra or a scaled up Lotus... Fortunately I have found just the compromise, the Stalker V6. Largely based upon the design of the Lotus Seven, only on steroids, it is designed to accept the General Motors V6 engine that power a zillion S10 pickup trucks and SUVs. The frame is stronger and larger than the Lotus designed frame, which is an advantage for us Plus-Sized Americans. Performance parts are easy to come by for the GM V6 can be manipulated to squeeze out plenty of power in a relatively light package. A bonus for the Stalker V6 is that kit is very complete; essentially there is no welding required. Plus it is possible to order ALL the parts for your car from the company that makes the kit or you can source the vital bits yourself. Any North American junkyard is filled with all of the inexpensive components needed to create my automotive masterpiece. The resulting complete car comes in at about 1400 pounds and 200 horsepower is not hard to achieve. This works out to a very tasty 7:1 power to weight ratio, which is enough to hold my attention. The legal disclosure portion of this posting is that I am not in position to get rolling on this project right off the bat. I have a lot of personal obligations and responsibilities to take care of over the course of the next year or so. The journey of a thousand miles starts with a first step and my first step is to think this project through. I value the input I receive from my readers (thank you family and friends) so I hope to hear some of your views on this new development in my car-build project. tag:www.athomemechanic.com,2006://1.138 2006-02-13T01:29:12Z 2006-08-02T12:43:06Z

I have a “modest proposal� to make, something along the lines of Jonathon Swift’s Modest Proposal made back in the late 1700’s. Ol’ Johnny boy was a leading whit and political satirist of 18th century’s London, sort of the Bill...

I have a “modest proposal� to make, something along the lines of Jonathon Swift’s Modest Proposal made back in the late 1700’s. Ol’ Johnny boy was a leading whit and political satirist of 18th century’s London, sort of the Bill Mahr of his time. Swift’s famous proposal was that the best solution to the pressing issue of hunger amongst the working class was to “eat the Irish.� While the joke may not translate today, at the time it was a considered a shocking and obviously satiric answer to a legitimate problem of the time. While hunger and poverty continue to plague the world today, this is not a political blog but rather one devoted to automotive issues. One of the most pressing concerns in the automotive world is the rash of nasty, unnecessary traffic accidents involving teenaged drivers racing on the streets. Young blood runs hot and rational decision-making is not a long suit of that demographic. The consequence is that young people look to test their cars and the limits of their abilities with illegal and often dangerous street racing. My modest proposal is that every young driver be compelled to take a driving instruction course on a real racecourse in real racecars and instructed by real racecar drivers. Put the young drivers at speed, allow them to lose control of a car and teach them how to recover. Make practical physics come alive for the kids by showing them how to toss a car into a drift and how to recover from traction loss. And then let them race. Put them out in groups of a dozen or so in matching sedans with complete safety equipment suites on a track and let them run against each other. Instruct them to run hard, let them run off the road, bask fenders, even roll over if they play too rough. But give them that experience and show them that the track is the place where that kind of behavior belongs. Make auto racing accessible to young people; make sure that there is a drag strip and an autocross course available for “run what ya brung� events that kids can test each other in their street cars. Showing kids that there is an appropriate place for exercising their youthful enthusiasm for fast cars will only serve to make our street safer. tag:www.athomemechanic.com,2006://1.137 2006-01-24T14:54:52Z 2006-08-02T12:43:06Z

In the last installment of my rants into the void of the Internet, I gave some pointers on getting your beloved automobile to the attention of journalists and editors who might be persuaded to put your car in their magazine....

In the last installment of my rants into the void of the Internet, I gave some pointers on getting your beloved automobile to the attention of journalists and editors who might be persuaded to put your car in their magazine. To get your car into the pages of an enthusiast’s magazine is the pinnacle of achievement for the home automobile hobbyist. It is the recognition for all the hours of labor in the garage devoted to building, restoring or improving your car. Even if your friends, family and significant other can not understand your slavish devotion to a pile of inanimate parts taking up space in the garage and making a dent in the family finances, the thrill of seeing your car in an enthusiast’s magazine is nearly enough to compensate for the abuse you have endured to achieve this confirmation of your automotive addiction. The major points in my strategy to get your car noticed by the jaded decision-makers of the enthusiast magazines is to have a car that is a bit different from the rest in the crowd; an unusual engine, rare option packages or some other feature to make your car stand out from similar models is always the best attention getter. I also suggested that doing a bit of the work for the hard working journalist who is charged with covering your car for the magazine is always helpful. Provide a well-written background sheet on your car, including details about the restoration/improvement of the car. And be sure to include a bit of background information on yourself as the owner/builder that the magazine readers can relate to. And the extra tidbit that may tip an editor’s choice in your direction of placing your car in his magazine is a well-crafted set of pictures of your car. A picture is worth a thousand words, seeing is believing and all those other clichés will come true if a stunning photo of your car catches that editor’s eye. This entry will help you take great pictures of your car. Taking good photographs of any subject, including your car, is fun and easy once you really learn how to make a picture. Notice that I say, “make a picture� rather than “take a picture� because good photography is a deliberate act, not something left to chance. And you do not have to spend hundreds of dollars on fancy cameras, trick lens or expensive digital software to create a great picture. A good photographer with an instamatic can take a better picture that a clueless amateur with the most expensive camera equipment. All photography, digital or film, is about the use of light. The quality of the light you use to illuminate your subject is half the battle to good photography. Soft, low angle light from a sun low on the horizon that occurs early in the morning or late in the afternoon is ideal. What you want to avoid is using the high angle, harsh light of mid-day when photographing anything or anyone. If you cannot shoot in the early or late hours, try to shoot your subject in the covered, even light of the shade. One of the many reasons so many movies are shot in Canada (beyond the very attractive economic inducements the Canadian government provides film makers) is the relatively low angle light of the northern latitudes that is so flattering for photography. Fill the frame of your photograph with the subject of your picture. Placing the subject of your picture off to one side or in the corner of the frame immediately drains the impact of the subject from the picture. As a photographer I like to shoot my pictures a bit wider than normal to insure that all of the car/person/scenic view/subject of my picture makes it into the frame (you would hate to cut off the top of someone’s head for example). But I use simple digital photography editing software to crop and center the picture on the subject. A clean, unobtrusive background and foreground will help keep the focus on your picture’s subject. For automobile photography, I like to find a spot that offers an unobstructed vista in the background and a smooth, featureless foreground. Ideally, a grassy hilltop at sunrise or sunset would yield the nicest pictures. If grassy hilltops are in short supply in your neighborhood, consider shooting your car against a neutral background like a brick wall, or a leafy hedge. What you are looking to avoid is things like a telephone pole sticking up through the roof of your car. The foreground should be a stretch of clean pavement, try to find a spot without parking spot stripes or ugly oil stains. If you notice, most professional photographs of cars are on a wet surface. The water covers stains on the pavement and makes a pleasing reflection of the car’s image. So now you got the spot, you have waited for just the right light, you even hosed down the pavement for that extra special professional look; it is time to start taking your pictures. A front, side and rear views of you car are OK, but frankly they are pretty boring. Move to a ¾ angle, a position where you can see both the front (or rear) of your car along with the side for a more interesting view. Turn the front wheels to better show off your cool wheels and tires. Get down on your belly and take a low angle shot from the ¾ angle. For an even more dynamic angle, bring a step latter and take your ¾ angle shot from above the car so that you can see the roof as well as the front (or rear) of the car as well as the side. There you have it, all the tips you need to take a really nice set of photos of your car. Polish up your car, find that perfect spot, wait for the soft low angle light of the dawn or sunset and snap away. Package your pictures with a clearly worded, concise history of your car and have them ready to distribute to the journalist covering the car show, track event or show and shine you go to next. The chances are good that a well-prepared car owner can get his car an even shot of being featured in a car magazine. tag:www.athomemechanic.com,2006://1.136 2006-01-22T00:52:15Z 2006-08-02T12:43:06Z

The “Buff Books,� as they are known in the magazine trade, are those titles that appeal primarily to enthusiasts who have a narrow focus; for the purposes of this forum: automobile fans. The Buff Books are deluged with heartfelt offers...

The “Buff Books,� as they are known in the magazine trade, are those titles that appeal primarily to enthusiasts who have a narrow focus; for the purposes of this forum: automobile fans. The Buff Books are deluged with heartfelt offers from readers to begging the editors to please feature the reader's car in their magazine. For a car nut, the pinnacle of achievement is to have his or her car displayed on the pages of their favorite magazine. Let me tell the secrets of getting your car into your favorite magazine. But first, you have to understand what motivates a journalist and his editor. As a working journalist with nearly thirty years of professional experience with one of the largest and prestigious broadcast media conglomerates in the world, I believe that I can speak with authority about the mind of the media. Although there are many media outlets that approach any topic with a predetermined point of view, the vast majority of American broadcast, print and Internet professionals bring a detached and impartial mindset to the issue or event that they try to illuminate for their audience. And nearly every journalist is a hardworking and diligent seeker of the truth, willing to sacrifice nearly everything (including a decent pay check) to serve the public’s right to know. The classic image of a journalist is of the “ink stained wretch� that toils long and hard to reveal corruption, criminal intent or breaches in public safety for little remuneration. The satisfaction of seeing one’s word in print, revealing the truth, is the best compensation that a dedicated journalist can hope to receive because the thin margins of most media outlets means that there is not a lot of money in journalism. So while a good journalist is not willing to compromise his principles for a hand full of coins, a good lunch and a well prepared press release will go a very long way to swaying his opinion. A savvy Publicist or Public Relations flack knows that telling the press that food will be served at his press conference/media event/photo opportunity is a cinch to guarantee representatives of the Fourth Estate at his event. But just getting the journalists to your press conference/media event/photo opportunity is only half the battle. Once you have the members of the working press to attend, you will have to deliver something noteworthy for them to include in their publication/broadcast. “Dog bites Man� is hardly newsworthy, but “Man bites Dog� is unusual enough to be included in the small news hole that most broadcasts and publications have after all the advertising space has been filled. The mundane will never get the attention of the working press. But an unusual angel to your story may still not be enough to get a cynical editor to assign a writer/cameraman to cover you and your event. Those darn reporters/cameramen are a precious resource to the editor and can only be allocated for the very best prospective news events. But if a well-prepared story with newsworthy features walks into your newsroom on its own, a resource challenged editor is compelled to include that materiel into his publication or broadcast. Thus armed with the knowledge of how the decisions are made by the editors of major media outlets, it is relatively easy to get your car featured in the pages of your favorite car magazine. The most important factor to getting your car noticed and featured in a car magazine is to have something unique about your car. An unusual drive train combinations is always an attention getters so consider wedging a Cleveland 351 into your Pinto or powering your shoe box ’56 Chevy with an Allison Aviation motor. In the case of my hobby car, a 1987 Honda CRX Si, I have chosen to skip the usual engine swap that many Honda enthusiasts enjoy and have built an Old School performer from my car’s stock EW series engine. This is like making a silk purse out of a sow’s ear and the Honda faithful recognize that this is as a special effort due to the scarcity of high performance parts for this old engine design. Playing the unique angle has gotten my car featured in Honda Tuning magazine. But being different from the crowd is often not enough. Sometimes you need to go the extra step beyond having a talented wrench and a way with chrome polish. This is where your English composition skills come into play. Creating a press release for your car and having that press release available at car shows is a good way to insure that a hurried journalist covering the event gets enough background on your particular car for inclusion in his coverage of the car show. A press release should be a concise history of the car: How the car has come to be in car show condition, a listing of special or rare parts that you used to create the car, and a profile on any awards that the car has won. You can also include a small biography about you, the owner, and be sure to highlight exactly the work that you did (as opposed to forking out the bucks to have a professional do the work) which always makes a more compelling story for magazine readers. This kind of background information makes the journalist’s job so much easier; it frees him of the task of having to ask the right questions. But the real kicker to get your car into car magazine, on top of having a unique car that is detailed in a handy press release, is to provide the magazine with quality pictures that illustrate your car. At the very least, a series of good pictures that you can give a journalist to take back to the office will help to induce the editors to give your car more consideration. And if your pictures are good enough, the publication or website may just use them in their story. Rather than just providing a 8½ by 11 sheet of facts and figures about your car, the modern car enthusiast should burn a few CD’s with all the print info and a series of quality pictures that you can make available to any journalist who stumble past you pride and joy at the car show. Your car needs to stand out from the crowd to get noticed by the reporters and editors of your favorite car magazine. But beyond that, you need to make the journalist’s job that much easier to stand out amongst the outstanding competitors. In my next posting I will detail how even a rank amateur can take great pictures of his car with any camera. tag:www.athomemechanic.com,2006://1.135 2006-01-17T03:00:15Z 2006-08-02T12:43:06Z

It is official; I am giving up the inline-six-cylinder-in-a-Cobra-clone idea. After doing some more research I discovered that the smaller 200 cubic inch Ford inline six is probably never going to make the 300 naturally aspirated horsepower that I am...

It is official; I am giving up the inline-six-cylinder-in-a-Cobra-clone idea. After doing some more research I discovered that the smaller 200 cubic inch Ford inline six is probably never going to make the 300 naturally aspirated horsepower that I am looking for and the large 250-300 cubic inch Ford inline six is physically too long to fit in the Cobra’s engine compartment and there is very little weigh difference between the big six and the small Ford V8 that is the normal power source for the Cobra and its clones. If I persist in building a Cobra clone the small block Ford V8 gives the most horsepower for the size and weight of its package. And it is dead simple to build a powerful small block Ford V8, the parts and services are as common as dirt here in the United States. For that matter, it equally easy to find performance parts for a small block Ford V8 in nearly any part of the globe. The advantage of being in production for 40+ years and used in performance applications since inception has made the aftermarket supply of high performance parts nearly endless and the ease of constructing an engine in my garage as simple as ordering some online parts. Heck, there is no reason why I have to build my own engine in my garage. I can buy a high performance Ford V8 new from the Ford factory, delivered to my location of choice for a reasonable price. Nearly complete, a crate engine (so called because the engine gets delivered in a wooden crate) arrives just needing a few external accessories bolted on before installation into the car or truck of your choice. And there are numerous companies unrelated to the factory that will be happy to ship you their version of a crate engine in a nearly endless variety of levels of tune. So the Cobra with a weird engine project is officially off the table for discussion. That means that the consideration is between the Cobra clone with a V8 or a Lotus Seven clone with either a Miata engine or some other undetermined power source. The visceral thrill of a large thumping V8 pulsing under the toe of my right foot is seduction. The thought of more power and torque than any set of street tires can translate to the street is tempting. But the Cobra is a big project; the Lotus is a smaller and less complicated project to construct. Finally, the cost of a buying and constructing a Cobra clone is about three times that of building a Lotus clone. Not that money should ever be a consideration when pursuing a dream, automotive or otherwise. But I do live within a finite set of means with family responsibilities to consider. So I will continue to mull over the possibilities before making a decision. tag:www.athomemechanic.com,2006://1.134 2006-01-13T14:46:32Z 2006-08-02T12:43:06Z

I have been thinking about building a Cobra kit car, but with a twist. Anyone can build one with a big V8 engine, I am thinking of building one with an alternative choice for the engine. Knowing that the V8's...

I have been thinking about building a Cobra kit car, but with a twist. Anyone can build one with a big V8 engine, I am thinking of building one with an alternative choice for the engine. Knowing that the V8's are wide and challenge the cramped engine compartment for space, my idea was to use an Inline Six Cylinder engine in my car. The immediate advantage of a six over a V8 is the smaller engine will weigh a lot less and leave a lot more room for things like allowing the driver's pedal to be mounted straight in front of the driver rather than offset to the left as on V8 Cobras. So if the engine of choice is to be an inline six-cylinder engine, which one should I use? There is a wealth of powerful inline sixes available and most all of them will fit easily into the Cobra's engine compartment. The choice of engine manufacturer will dictate the choice for transmission mounted just behind the engine. Technically it is possible to connect an engine from manufacturer "A" to a transmission made by manufacturer "B" but it would be a whole lot easier for me, the At Home Mechanic, to use an engine and transmission combination from one manufacturer. If I were interested in a foreign inline 6-cylinder engine/transmission the three major contenders would be from BMW, Nissan and Toyota. Each makes a long line of beefy inline sixes that come with matching transmissions that could be adapted to the Cobra. BMW engines are legendary for their precision and performance, but frankly BMW transmissions are not up to the same standard as their engines. Plus the cost of BMW parts is enough to remind you why BMW is known amongst enthusiasts as standing for Break My Wallet. Toyota's inline six-cylinder engine dates from the late 1960's and is proven for strength and reliability. But the port design of the Toyota inline six leaves a bit to be desired. Still the Toyota engine and transmission is a pretty good choice and readily available with parts not being terribly expensive. If a Toyota engine transmission combination were to fall into my lap I would have to seriously consider using it. Nissan's inline six engine with a factory turbo is the power plant of the legendary Skyline coupe, which is available only as a right hand drive sedan. Never sold in the United States, American enthusiasts have slipped a few used examples into this country but they hardly are common over here. That is a very strong, well proven, engine and transmission combination that would be a natural to make the kind of power I am hoping for in a small light package. But the availability of those engines in the US is fairly slim, even with the importation of cheap used engines from Japan so I will reluctantly take this engine off my list of potentials. This brings us to the list of domestic engines that I could potentially use. The Jeep inline six has been produced since the 1960's when it debuted as a Rambler engine. Reasonably well supported in the aftermarket, it would not be too hard to make it work for my purposes. Gm has a brand new inline six that it sells in its line of intermediate trucks and has been well received by the motoring press. But being so new I doubt that there is much aftermarket support for that engine and may be pricey to acquire. The older GM "Stove Bolt" six came in a variety of displacements and is reasonably well supported in the aftermarket. At one point this engine was judged to be the best American inline six in terms of power production potential and there was even an Over Head Cam version created by Pontiac back in the 1960's. If I were a rational guy I would give this engine and the wide range of good GM transmissions that easily bolt up to it serious consideration as the inline six that should go into my Cobra. But a GM engine in a Cobra is like suggesting serving a Honey Baked Ham at a Passover dinner; it just is not done. So as attractive as the GM inline six may be to those who wish to defy conventional wisdom with the greatest elan, I will have to take a pass on this idea. This brings us back to the Ford family of inline six engines. Designed in the late 1950's at about the same time as the small block 260/289/302/351 family of Ford V8's, the inline six can claim to come from the same stable as the heralded engines that powered the original Cobra to initial glory. Two similar versions were created, a smaller inline six of 170, 200 and 250 cubic inches were built for the compact cars of the Ford line that began with the original Falcon and ran through the Mustang, Fairline, Maverick, and Fairmont models. A larger 300-inch version was intended for truck and van use. Dead reliable, cheap to build and cast iron strong the Ford inline six was a solid if unremarkable engine. The Ford inline six was so successful Ford exported the design for manufacture by their subsidiaries in Argentina and Australia where the Ford Falcon nameplate is still a strong seller (although completely redesigned since the tooling of the original Falcon were shipped overseas for foreign construction). But there was one significant design flaw of the Ford inline six that the Argentines and Australians fixed. The Ford inline six featured a rather rudimentary engine head. With both intake and exhaust ports on the same side of the head, it did not take advantage of the benefits of cross flow design. And reaching back to the Flat Head days of Ford engine design, the number three and four cylinders shared a common exhaust port. But maybe worst of all, Ford shaved a few pennies per engine by casting the intake manifold as part of the head casting. The intake manifold on a Ford inline six looks roughly similar to a 2" section of pipe that is cast parallel to the head with a small mounting on top for a tiny single throat carburetor. This head design endured for the entire American production run, but the Argies and the Ozzies ditched that design as soon as possible. Both foreign versions of the Ford inline six soon sprouted home grown heads that featured a more conventional separate intake manifold and a reworking of the port design, although a cross flow head never emerged. Both the Argie and Ozzie head are a huge improvement over the US head and can be bolted to a US block with nearly no modification at all. That is the good news; the bad news is that the foreign heads are not commonly imported to the US. It is not entirely impossible to get a foreign head into this country; a company in Arizona, Ford Six Performance Parts (www.fordsixparts.com), will import you either type of head on an as ordered basis. And the good folks at Ford Six Performance Parts is making noises about designing and selling a cross flow aluminum head for the Ford inline six if there is enough interest. So the plan for my Cobra would be to source a good foreign head to go on top of a 250 inline six block. Improving the induction a supercharger and fuel injection, a modern electronic fuel and ignition controller and higher compression will create an light, narrow inline six engine with Ford heritage that will easily make 300+ horsepower. All of the power of a 5.0 V8 at about 150 less pounds. It sounds good to me. What do you think? tag:www.athomemechanic.com,2006://1.133 2006-01-12T14:32:39Z 2006-08-02T12:43:06Z

The AARP card will be coming in the mail any day now; this is the year I turn 50. 1956, the year I was born, was the year of the greatest number of births in the United States of any...

The AARP card will be coming in the mail any day now; this is the year I turn 50. 1956, the year I was born, was the year of the greatest number of births in the United States of any year. That means people of my age represent the fattest lump in the population curve for the country. With so many contemporaries to compete with, the common thread for all of us 1956’ers it has been to find a way to stand out from the crowd. Succeeding in athletics, business, or politics is one way to rise above the herd, but those of us without any particular talents or charisma have to find more devious ways to make our mark on the world. My best shot at fame may be to bask in the reflected glory of my children’s accomplishments but that is not a sure bet at this point. As I age, gracefully or otherwise, regular readers (both of you) will remember that I am struggling with the decision about what kit car to build. I am working up the courage to build a car from scratch in my suburban garage; I see this as a way to stave off Alzheimer’s Disease by mentally challenging myself with a large project during my rapidly approaching Silver Years. But I do not want to build just any kit car; I want to do something a bit different. I do know that the car I want to build is going to be a roadster of some sort. Light, simple, open topped, nothing suggests the freedom of the road like a snug two seat sports car to blast down the highway of life into the impending sunset of my life. I may be on the road to Hell, but I am planning on enjoying the ride in style. Maybe at the end of my useful years I will give myself an automotive version of the Viking Funeral. With my last breath, I give The Man the finger and launch myself and my special hand built vehicle into an abyss of blazing glory. But what exactly will that hand built be? I have already dismissed the idea of building a VW based dune buggy, not enough power to fulfill my lust for a low power to weight ratio. The other candidates are the speedy roller skate of the Lotus Seven or the brute power of the Shelby Cobra with a huge honking Ford V8 rumbling under the hood. The Lotus Seven initially got short shrift from me because I thought that the kits only came from England and the mechanicals were difficult to come by. Thankfully my readers pointed me in the right direction toward some American kit suppliers who use greasy bits from easily obtainable sources in the US. And because the Lotus Seven kit yields a very small roadster, the enterprise would fit nicely in my 20’x 20’ suburban garage. But as cool as a Lotus Seven would be to build and own, it is not a Shelby Cobra. Ah, the Cobra. To my generation of Ford-loving gear heads, the Cobra represents the apogee of the car culture. The Cobra is all that is good and light in the world of my generation. Other cars were faster and some were prettier, but no other cars strike a sympathetic cord in our souls like the coke-bottled shape of the Cobra. But the true attraction of the Cobra was the caged fury of the engine compartment. At the height of the madness, 427 cubic inches of pushrod powered Detroit Iron thumped within its breast. Seven litres of the finest in cutting edge, 1958 technology throbbed out a menacing sound and nearly unlimited torque. Imagine, if you will, more power than you can realistically put down onto the road through street tires. That is the essence of the Cobra. But unlimited power comes at a price, as Saddam Hussein has come to discover. The Cobra is a relatively small car and shoehorning a huge lump of American V8 iron into the engine compartment is a very tight fit. Even if you opt for the smaller and lighter 5.0-liter V8 engine instead of the 7-litre monster, the engine compartment is challenged for daylight let alone space to work. And the weight of all that metal under the hood makes any suspension choice a compromise between effectiveness and heft to handle the load. The space for a V8 engine is so limited in the cobra that the driver’s foot pedals are off set to the left rather than straight ahead of the driver to make room for that monster engine. Now here is where my latest epiphany comes into play. What if? What if instead of a massive V8 in the Cobra I built it with some other power plant? Something lighter and physically smaller that would make up for its lack of absolute power with a more compact and light package that would keep the power to weight ratio in the Insane Region? My first thought was to adapt a V6 engine for use in the Cobra. While it would be lighter and shorter from front to back, the V6 arrangement makes the engine as wide as a V8 and the space issues of offsetting the driver’s pedals remain. If not a V6, then why not an Inline 6 engine? Long and narrow, an Inline 6 would leave lots of room at the sides of the engine and save hundreds of pounds over a large block V8. And imagine the novelty of opening the hood to reveal not just another boring V8, but the unique sight of a Six Cylinder engine in the engine compartment. My next entry will examine the Inline Six engines I am considering for this project. Tell me what you think of a Cobra without a thumping Ford V8 in the engine compartment. tag:www.athomemechanic.com,2006://1.132 2006-01-10T04:02:38Z 2006-08-02T12:43:06Z

Just a quick note about our journey to the LA Auto Show. Long story short: we saw a bunch of shiny cars for sale to the general public, concept cars that the public may be offered at some time in...

Just a quick note about our journey to the LA Auto Show. Long story short: we saw a bunch of shiny cars for sale to the general public, concept cars that the public may be offered at some time in the future and a few hyper expensive exotic cars that mere mortals can only dream of owning. The most crowded display at the show was the Bugatti stand which featured the 1.2 million dollar, 252 mph dream machine that only 300 rich morons will have the privilege of owning. The least crowded display was the GM exhibit which largely deserted except for the curious who wanted to see a Pontiac Solstice in the flesh. My Beloved Fiancée made a beeline for the BMW/Mini display and declared the Mini cute but that her next car will probably be a BMW M3 in full zoot. The teenaged boys were torn between the exotics and the food court as their highlights of the show. And I got a chance to lay my hands (and my back side in the seat) of a new Honda Civic Si. I must say that the romance of a shiny new car with 200-horse power and a standard Limited Slip Differential nearly worked its magic on my jaded soul. But at 3,000 pounds, the new Civic coupe is about 200 pounds too much car for my tastes. I can resist the temptation to trade in my Accord daily driver for a new Civic Si and hope that the rumors are true that a new version of the enthusiast’s favorite, the CRX, will come to market in a year or two. And maybe the Fiancée will let me drive her M3 once in a while. tag:www.athomemechanic.com,2006://1.131 2006-01-08T04:33:30Z 2006-08-02T12:43:06Z

I generally try to avoid large, crowded areas. Not because on any kind of phobia, but because I have been there, done that in my life. When you get old and grumpy like me, your tolerance for being herded like...

I generally try to avoid large, crowded areas. Not because on any kind of phobia, but because I have been there, done that in my life. When you get old and grumpy like me, your tolerance for being herded like cattle diminishes with time. Consequently I am not much of a concert goer, professional sporting event attendee, or amusement park patron. The LA Auto Show is as big and crowded an event as I would normally hope to avoid, but circumstances this year compel me to go today. It is not that I need to go to the auto show to see all the new and exotic cars. Living on the affluent West Side of Los Angeles I see every car on the market (exotics included) and some that are not on the market yet. Ferrari's and Lambo's are yawn inducers and classics are an every day occurrences. Thinly disguised factory prototypes are tested on LA streets and brand new models are thick on the roads. I am ready to declare the Pontiac Solstice the official car of West LA, because they seem to be on every side street these days. I am going to the auto show because my dearly beloved fiancée is shopping for a car to replace her G35 Coupe whose lease will expire soon. Some of you may remember that my fiancée is a lead-footed car enthusiast. I have unleashed a Pandora's Box of racing desire in that woman when I introduced her to Autocross racing and now she is looking for something "hot" to replace the G35. She has always wanted a 911 Porsche; her 924 Turbo was one of her favorite cars and she wants to relive the Porsche experience. But a 911 may be a bit pricey so she has her eye on a M3 BMW. As much as I respect the BMW, I think she will get more car for her lease dollar with a Mercedes CLK500. Anyway, this will be a chance for her to kick some tires for comparison sake without having to brave a gauntlet of car salesmen on the dealer’s lot. Oh and yes, she wants to see the new Bugatti, which is advertised as the fastest, and the most expensive car on the market today. The other compelling reason to schlep downtown to the massive LA convention center is to show my Welsh brother in-law what an American auto show can be. The Grateful Dead's fans used to say that, "There is nothing in the world like a Dead concert," and the same can be said for an American auto show. Part circus, part salesroom, and part life affirming survival experience, an American auto show on the massive scale of the LA Auto Show is significant milestone in anyone’s life time. The crowd, the cars, the models in spectacularly revealing costumes decorating the manufacturers displays are all worth seeing even if one has no interest in cars. The Welsh brother in-law is a man of the world, he has traveled extensively, seen the wonders of modern and ancient civilizations but I am willing to bet that he has never seen anything quite like LA Auto Show. The LA Convention Center building is a wonder unto itself, its lobby is often used in movies to represent what living and working habitats of the future will look like. And the main halls are large enough to swallow a fleet of 747’s with plenty of room left over for a parade of elephants to comfortably swing their trunks. The massive scale of the building’s interior is humbling as an empty structure, but to fill it with new car sales hubris is truly a staggering accomplishment in human achievement. We are also taking my 16 year old son, the ’90 Prelude Driver and my fiancée’s 16 year old son, the ’78 Camaro Driver. The boys are LA Auto show veterans, they have been before and know what to expect. The Camaro Driver is very impressed with the exotic cars and has expressed an interest in seeing all of the cars that claim to exceed 200 mile per hour. The Prelude Driver has a passing interest in cars, but he has a dedicated interest in eating. He sees the Auto Show in the same light as sporting events, concerts or an evening at the cinema: a chance to sample a wide variety of concession stand food. I expect an afternoon crawling through the crowds, the visual and aural assault on my senses by the manufacturers displays and the hole left in my pocket by paying for the privilege of the sensory overload I may suffer. I will let you know how it goes. tag:www.athomemechanic.com,2006://1.130 2006-01-06T15:22:08Z 2006-08-02T12:43:06Z

I am a professional television watcher. Literally, I am paid (and paid well) to watch TV for eight hours a day, five days a week. My compensation package includes a generous (by modern standards) health package, 401K benefits, six weeks...

I am a professional television watcher. Literally, I am paid (and paid well) to watch TV for eight hours a day, five days a week. My compensation package includes a generous (by modern standards) health package, 401K benefits, six weeks of paid vacation and lots of paid time off for illness. Not a bad job, huh? I bet you would like a job like that. All I can say is, “Beware of what you wish for. It may come true.� Not that I am complaining, it sure beats digging ditches for a living. But part of the deal is that I have no choice about what I watch; I have to watch my employer’s local TV station in a major metropolitan area. Part of my workday includes watching daytime television: Soap Operas, Game Shows, Judge Shows, Local News. And Dr. Phil. Before I get to Dr. Phil (and how this rant relates to automotive affairs) let me vent about the crap you guys watch. And do not tell me that you are not watching this crap, because we make a LOT of money from this programming so somebody is watching it. Before I found myself propped in front to a wall of video monitors like Alex DeLarge in A Clockwork Orange, forced to watch local television programming, I used to make my living as a photojournalist at a TV station, shooting local news. I took pride in journalistic standards and my ability to fulfill the public’s right to know about issues of importance. But I left the glamour and excitement of news photography years ago for the regular hours of studio work to accommodate the responsibilities of a young family. Now, part of my workday is devoted to watching local television news, which is a constant parade of dead bodies, house fires, and car chases that passes for “informing the public� these days. Local TV news is as mindless as the rest of the broadcast schedule because YOU, the viewing public, do not demand anything more challenging than crying widows being asked to tell us, “How do you feel right now?� Soap Operas are as timeless as human civilization. Every culture has fables, legends or myths that concern the foibles of the rich and powerful, the modern Soap Opera is just another version of these cautionary tales that are passed from generation to generation. But instead of warning of the metaphoric dangers of flying too close to the sun, or to not incur the wrath of the gods by being too proud, the Soap Opera uses the example of beautiful and fabulously wealthy perfume/couture clothing/publishing magnates to teach us that their yacht/country house/mistress/secret love child do always bring happiness. The game shows are frustrating for me to watch; because I work “In the Business� I am automatically ineligible from ever being a contestant. I know that I could clean up on any of these shows because I have a secret weapon. An education that extends beyond the sixth grade. Apparently the producers of game shows troll the trailer parks of America to find the most telegenic slack jawed yokels. Come on people! We all know that that The Skipper’s real name was Jonas Grumby, Presidents Kennedy and Lincoln both had Vice Presidents named Johnson, and that the Panama Canal runs North/South (look it up). A side note. Here at work we get game shows a few days in advance of their airing. We had a guy who would scan that day’s show and memorize all the answers. On his lunch break he would walk across the street to a bar and win bets answering every question on the show as it was broadcast without ever making a mistake. We elected that guy to be the President of our union. I have to admit that I like the Judge Shows, even that obnoxious bitch Judge Judy. No, I do not like the parade of morons who need to adjudicate their petty disputes over whether it was a loan or a gift. But every case comes with a lesson in contract law, which means that I can skip the first year of Law School if I ever decide to abandon my convictions and become a lawyer. But the reason for this rant and its relevance to the topic of the At Home Mechanic is something I was forced to watch on the Dr. Phil show the other day. Dr. Phil gets all the losers that Oprah does not want on her show and this episode just about killed me. A pair of sisters came on the show with a paralyzing problem: They were deathly afraid to learn how to drive. Conditioned from youth by an equally fearful mother to believe that they were incapable of safely controlling a car they are reduced to quivering mess when behind the wheel of a car. But they felt that they were missing something in life and so they wanted Dr. Phil to help them over come this fear. Being the self-righteous, smug bastard that he is, Dr. Phil held their hand while they drove around the Paramount Pictures movie lot and declared that they were “Cured!� Not everyone is capable of safely driving a car; the roads are filled classic examples of people who should NEVER be allowed behind the wheel. Tentative, indecisive drivers are as dangerous as drunks and speeders because they are most likely to make the wrong decision at the right time. The fearful women on Dr. Phil’s show are the type of person who should never be driving, and just because they are inconvenienced by their lack of transportation, they feel a need to overcome their fears and inflict their inability on the rest of us who CAN drive. In fact we should be airing shows that takes incompetent drivers OFF the road. The world would be a better, if not safer place if the timid and irresolute drivers were swept from the highways. Ahhh, I have released the rage that was building inside me and I feel much better now. Have a happy and safe New Year.