At Home Mechanic

I am a professional television watcher. Literally, I am paid (and paid well) to watch TV for eight hours a day, five days a week. My compensation package includes a generous (by modern standards) health package, 401K benefits, six weeks of paid vacation and lots of paid time off for illness. Not a bad job, huh? I bet you would like a job like that. All I can say is, “Beware of what you wish for. It may come true.�

I generally try to avoid large, crowded areas. Not because on any kind of phobia, but because I have been there, done that in my life. When you get old and grumpy like me, your tolerance for being herded like cattle diminishes with time. Consequently I am not much of a concert goer, professional sporting event attendee, or amusement park patron. The LA Auto Show is as big and crowded an event as I would normally hope to avoid, but circumstances this year compel me to go today.

Just a quick note about our journey to the LA Auto Show. Long story short: we saw a bunch of shiny cars for sale to the general public, concept cars that the public may be offered at some time in the future and a few hyper expensive exotic cars that mere mortals can only dream of owning. The most crowded display at the show was the Bugatti stand which featured the 1.2 million dollar, 252 mph dream machine that only 300 rich morons will have the privilege of owning. The least crowded display was the GM exhibit which largely deserted except for the curious who wanted to see a Pontiac Solstice in the flesh.

The AARP card will be coming in the mail any day now; this is the year I turn 50. 1956, the year I was born, was the year of the greatest number of births in the United States of any year. That means people of my age represent the fattest lump in the population curve for the country. With so many contemporaries to compete with, the common thread for all of us 1956’ers it has been to find a way to stand out from the crowd. Succeeding in athletics, business, or politics is one way to rise above the herd, but those of us without any particular talents or charisma have to find more devious ways to make our mark on the world. My best shot at fame may be to bask in the reflected glory of my children’s accomplishments but that is not a sure bet at this point.

I have been thinking about building a Cobra kit car, but with a twist. Anyone can build one with a big V8 engine, I am thinking of building one with an alternative choice for the engine. Knowing that the V8's are wide and challenge the cramped engine compartment for space, my idea was to use an Inline Six Cylinder engine in my car. The immediate advantage of a six over a V8 is the smaller engine will weigh a lot less and leave a lot more room for things like allowing the driver's pedal to be mounted straight in front of the driver rather than offset to the left as on V8 Cobras.

It is official; I am giving up the inline-six-cylinder-in-a-Cobra-clone idea. After doing some more research I discovered that the smaller 200 cubic inch Ford inline six is probably never going to make the 300 naturally aspirated horsepower that I am looking for and the large 250-300 cubic inch Ford inline six is physically too long to fit in the Cobra’s engine compartment and there is very little weigh difference between the big six and the small Ford V8 that is the normal power source for the Cobra and its clones.

The “Buff Books,� as they are known in the magazine trade, are those titles that appeal primarily to enthusiasts who have a narrow focus; for the purposes of this forum: automobile fans. The Buff Books are deluged with heartfelt offers from readers to begging the editors to please feature the reader's car in their magazine. For a car nut, the pinnacle of achievement is to have his or her car displayed on the pages of their favorite magazine. Let me tell the secrets of getting your car into your favorite magazine. But first, you have to understand what motivates a journalist and his editor.

In the last installment of my rants into the void of the Internet, I gave some pointers on getting your beloved automobile to the attention of journalists and editors who might be persuaded to put your car in their magazine. To get your car into the pages of an enthusiast’s magazine is the pinnacle of achievement for the home automobile hobbyist. It is the recognition for all the hours of labor in the garage devoted to building, restoring or improving your car. Even if your friends, family and significant other can not understand your slavish devotion to a pile of inanimate parts taking up space in the garage and making a dent in the family finances, the thrill of seeing your car in an enthusiast’s magazine is nearly enough to compensate for the abuse you have endured to achieve this confirmation of your automotive addiction.